*Photo Above: One of my proudest moments seeing my Dad at the summit of Mount Rainier 14,411 ft. He had cancer, atrial fibrillation and a great attitude.

We sat at your bedside holding hands when mom softly and warmly said, “Charlie there’s nothing more that can be done. It’s time to go to Hospice.” You paused, smiled, and said, “It’s been a great ride.”

You appeared to be filled with gratitude at the moment you found out your death was most likely around the corner. As we packed your bag, mom helped you get to the moving chair on the railing to get you down to the garage to the car to go to Hospice. I watched as you turned around and looked at what you must have known was the last time you would see the home you and mom built. Again, you smiled, slowly looked around the room, and nodded as if to say, “I did good, and I’m ready.”

When things are going wrong, or I’m extremely challenged in life, I visualize your face and your reaction at that moment. I strive to live a life where I can look back, smile and nod knowing I know I did well. It pushes me through fear and to always do the right thing even when that’s the hard thing.

When we first arrived at Hospice, as the incredible staff was getting you settled, a nurse pulled mom Gwen and I aside. She was calm, warm, and direct. She told us you would let us know when it was time and advised us to verbally tell you it was okay to go. Then the doctor shared some of the signs you may experience when nearing the end. One was breathing differently.

People from all over the country came to your Hospice bedside to say goodbye. Your childhood friends from New York walked in and said, “Charlie there’s no way in hell we’re coming to your funeral. We’re here to say goodbye and have a few more laughs. The four of you sat there watching the Masters. I couldn’t believe that days before your death you remained so positive and grateful. You still found joy in the little things like spending quality time with friends. Your visitors all came with stories about what a great friend, mentor and leader you were. The common theme was your adventurous spirit and your optimism – how you always found the silver lining even in the most challenging situations. And of course, your incredible sense of humor!

I remember Gwen deciding if it was the right thing to do to allow your three granddaughters to come and say goodbye. They had a trip planned to Copper Mountain to ski over spring break. You insisted that they don’t cancel, and that the greatest gift to you would be for them to go skiing every day and enjoy themselves. I recall the joy on your face when the kids would text videos of themselves skiing and having fun. It must have been painful for them to know that you may be gone by the time they get back. But we all knew it would be more painful for you if you knew they gave up a day of skiing because of you.

The girls made it home before you passed. They came to say goodbye just days before you died. The smile on your face when they entered your Hospice room could have lit up the world. At that point, you were pushing yourself to find your voice, but when they walked in, you found it. You all got to say goodbye, and I know to this day they cherish the memories of their grandfather…your patience teaching them all how to ski, holding them, taking them to Costco and to get the car washed, and telling them it was going to be OK. You would be so proud of the young women they’ve become. It’s heartbreaking that such an engaged, loving grandfather was taken so soon from their lives, but I know you are guiding them every day.

I remember a moment when it was just you and me in the room. I held your hand, and I remember thinking there was nothing left to say. We had said it all. In many ways it brought me peace. I genuinely believe as a father and daughter we had no regrets.

I’ll never forget being at your home and then getting the call from Gwen who said, “I think it is time to come back to Hospice” because your breathing had changed. Mom and I raced over, and at that point you were no longer able to speak. I recall you reaching at things in the air and tears slowly rolling down your face. I have no idea what you were thinking, but I know you fought until the very end.

Knowing you, the tears were because you knew how much pain we would be in without you. You were always thinking of others before yourself.

I am so grateful to call you, my father. You live on with us every day. You are missed more than you can ever know. Thank you for modeling how life should be lived.

8 years ago today we had to say goodbye to you. Normally I honor you by skiing.

40 Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dad

Today, I cannot do that, so instead I thought I would honor you by sharing what I learned from you:

1. There is ALWAYS a silver lining even in the worst situations. I miss you everyday, Dad. It physically hurts, but the silver lining for me is the extreme gratitude that I have for being able to call you my Dad.
2. Happiness is a choice.
3. Attitude is everything.
4. Laughter is contagious.
5. Start with trust. You may get burned, sometimes but it is worth living life this way.
6. Be aware of where and what you spend your money, but always be generous.
7. There is nothing more valuable than time. It is the greatest gift you can give anyone.
8. Don’t complain if you don’t like the situation then change the way you think about it.
9. Surround yourself with people that are smarter than you, that push you to be better everyday.
10. When you fail, get back up and be present in the lesson you learned.
11. Be adventurous, travel the world.
12. Everyone has a story. Ask the right questions to allow people to share their stories.
13. Always do the right thing even if it is the hardest thing.
14. Stay in touch with the people you care about.
15. When one door closes, look for the one that is open. Sometimes we miss it if we focus on the closed door.
16. Dogs are truly a man’s best friend.
17. Confidence is the most beautiful thing anyone can wear.
18. Don’t judge a book by its cover. If we judge too quickly, it is amazing how much we miss out on.
19. Losing sucks, but it creates strength, drive and greater appreciation when you do win.
20. Stay humble – I remember skiing when I would fall, he would make sure I was okay and then say…good, it keeps you humble!
21. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
22. Be curious and ask the next question. It is amazing how big the world is when you are curious.
23. Being a mentor is rewarding, you learn so much.
24. Live life to the fullest. It is short.
25. You won’t always fit in, and that is okay.
26. Do what you say and say what you mean.
27. It is amazing as a sales guy how the more sales calls I make the more yes’s I get.
28. Remember people’s names no matter who they are or what role they have. I remember touring the factory with my Dad, he knew EVERYONE’S names. Everyone had a huge smile on their faces when they saw my Dad. There was no fear “that the boss’ ‘was on the floor. They all joked and had fun together.
29. Don’t complain about work; it is called work for a reason.
30. Ski fast and enjoy the view.
31. Be accountable and take responsibility even when you make mistakes.
32. Being a leader is a privilege that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
33. Tell jokes often. Laughter is the best medicine.
34. How to make the best Old Fashion ever!
35. Not everyone will like you; it sucks, but it is okay.
36. The outdoors is the best medicine.
37. Put yourself in others shoes before you judge.
38. Stand up for what you want.
39. If you don’t respect and love yourself, no one else will.
40. Stop and smell the flowers. Life is short. Enjoy it, and be present.

My journey toward mastering difficult conversations and active listening experienced a shift during a crucial exchange with a peer who was not only a mentor but also a friend. His feedback on a decision I had impulsively made, driven more by emotion than logic, was meant to be constructive. Yet, my emotional response clouded not just my judgment, but also impaired my listening ability. This incident underscored the vital importance of balancing emotional instincts with the ability to actively listen and consider others’ viewpoints.

During this intense conversation, my emotions flared, muting the actual words and the inherent support and concern in his message. My defensive stance not only obstructed the potential growth from his feedback, but also underscored a significant flaw in my communication skills: the lack of active listening. This insistent was a wake-up call, revealing that my emotional reactions were barriers not only to effective decision-making but also to understanding and being understood.

Acknowledge the Emotional Overload

The initial step in my improvement was to recognize when my emotions were overpowering my listening capabilities. By acknowledging this, I allowed myself to experience these emotions without letting them control my reactions.

Specific Tips for Active Listening Amidst Emotions

Repeat What You’ve Heard

I found it beneficial to either repeat or paraphrase the speaker’s words. This approach not only required me to concentrate on their message rather than my feelings but also showed my mentor that I was earnestly trying to grasp his perspective.

Ask for Clarification

Seeking clarification serves a dual purpose: it confirms your understanding of the message and provides a moment to regulate your emotional response. Questions like, “Could you elaborate on that?” or “Could you provide an example?” engaged me more thoroughly in the conversation, mitigating my immediate emotional reactions.

Use Non-Verbal Cues to Show Engagement

Eye contact, nodding, and leaning forward are non-verbal signals that indicate engagement, important even when internally battling strong emotions. These gestures kept me anchored to the conversation, creating an environment for mutual understanding rather than conflict.

Emotionally Prepare for Challenging Conversations

In addition to these momentary strategies, I recognized the significance of emotionally preparing for challenging conversations.

Adopting mindfulness practices, engaging in regular self-reflection, and employing mantras like “Stay open” have been pivotal.

Physical activities, such as brisk walking or stretching, also proved effective for calming my mind and refocusing on the conversation’s rational aspects.

Recommended Resources

1. HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict by Harvard Business Review: A foundational resource for conflict navigation skills
2. Emotional Agility by Susan David: David’s insights have empowered me to leverage my emotions as a strength rather than a setback.
3. Jefferson Fischer: One of my favorite communication experts out there – Want to be a Better Listener

Conclusion: The Power of Listening and the Risk of Regression

The pivotal conversation with my mentor highlighted the critical importance of active listening, especially amidst emotional challenges. By adopting strategies to enhance my listening skills during emotionally charged situations, I’ve transformed difficult discussions into opportunities for growth. This journey emphasizes the necessity of balancing emotional responses with genuine understanding and collaboration.

However, there’s a cautionary aspect to this learning curve: reverting to my old ways of reacting impulsively and neglecting active listening could jeopardize the progress I’ve made. Such regression risks not only personal and professional relationships, but also stunts my growth as a communicator and individual. It underscores that the path forward lies in continuously valuing and practicing the art of truly hearing others, turning challenges into valuable lessons for improvement.

To avoid regression, it’s essential to stay mindful of our emotional triggers, regularly reflect on our communication experiences, and remain committed to practicing the principles of active listening and emotional intelligence in every interaction. To avoid regression, it’s essential to stay mindful of our emotional triggers, regularly reflect on our communication experiences, and remain committed to practicing the principles of active listening and emotional intelligence in every interaction.

Starting a business? Back in 2019, I had a decision to make: stay with a corporate job and all the safety I had grown to know over 25 years, or try something different and start my own business. The safe route was tempting. I had some great offers with people I liked, trusted, and respected. However, there was something burning inside me SCREAMING, “Noo!”

So, I took some time to dig deep, get uncomfortable, and pause to listen to what this force inside me really meant.

I remember camping in Bend, Oregon, walking with my golden retriever, Kota. It was a cool fall morning with no one else in sight. All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for all the opportunities I had been given in my life: the support and coaching I had from my mom and dad, my mom pushing me to finish college, the successful career I grew with great colleagues.

At that moment, I realized I had been given a gift, and I knew I needed to give that back. When I thought about what I loved in my leadership roles, it all came back to coaching and seeing others succeed. Seeing others break through whatever barrier was holding them back and helping them see the greatness that I saw in them. I realized that my purpose was to help others reach their true potential just as my parents had done for me. I decided to just go for it and start TruPotential Group.

I could sugarcoat things and paint a rosy picture of what happened next, but I want to be honest. All of a sudden, the negative talk and doubts started to creep in: “What the heck are you thinking? You have some amazing opportunities with great companies! What makes you think you can start your own business? You were never a good student; you have no clue how to start your own business, and oh my gosh, how will you even make ends meet?!” I decided, “Forget it. Take the easier path that you know. You will never succeed. Why you ever let this dream in your head is another example that you cannot do this. You do not have a clue!”

But then I was hit hard with the painful memory of my father on his deathbed. In his final days he had visitors from all over the country. People traveled in to say goodbye and thank him for his friendship, mentorship, and leadership. I heard story after story of how he changed their lives. My dad seemed to die in peace with no regrets.

I challenged myself to imagine signing a letter of employment and going back to what I knew and was comfortable with. The thought brought me no joy. It actually brought on physical pain. So, I pushed to imagine myself on my deathbed. (not an easy thing to do, but I do recommend it to others)
When I did that, I knew that there was no other option but going full speed into starting my own business. There was no way I would choose to have regrets at the end!

Changing lanes has opened a whole new world for me, filled with courageous entrepreneurs sharing stories about their epic fails and comebacks. I’ve learned so much from them! Their common mantra? Life’s too short to play it safe. I agree! I see my dad smiling down on me, even on days that I crash and burn, and that helps me keep going.

I have been told I tend to be overly optimistic, but I see it differently. I believe in every situation there is something to learn. I choose to learn and grow and not dwell on anything negative.

Let me tell you, running your own show is a wild ride!! You’ll need to learn stuff on the fly and deal with curveballs every day. But these challenges? They’re yours, and they make the victories all the sweeter. Living on my own terms, aiming to wrap up this crazy ride with a big, satisfied grin on my face – that’s what it’s all about.

I’m laying out 50 real lessons from my leap into owning my own business. The good, the bad, and the painful! This road has been bumpy and filled with potholes, but I know I made the right decision, and I’m grateful to all those that have helped me navigate this new road.

When I began, my first call was to Erin Parsons. She called me back as I was finishing a mountain bike ride. I was in a moment of self-doubt. I saw her name and had to pick up. I told her my plan, and she said, “Let’s go girl!! I have an opportunity for you!”

Erin was the first person that believed in TruPotential Group and gave me an opportunity. I share this to emphasize the importance of surrounding yourself with people that have already had the courage to start their own business. Erin had been there, done that, and was a pivotal part of me finding the courage to reinvent myself at an age when many are focused on just getting to retirement.

I find myself filled with great pride when I say I am a business owner now. Thank you to all that have helped me on my journey! There are too many to thank! You know who you are, and I THANK YOU!

1. Believe in Yourself: Trusting in my potential was the first step in my entrepreneurial journey.

2. Stay True: I’ve learned that being authentic is key to building real connections and staying aligned with my vision.

3. My Mom is usually right!

4. Appreciate criticism: You cannot grow if you do not accept feedback.

5. It is hard: If you know your “why” and have a purpose, those hard days become a challenge to overcome to reach the goal. Some days are still hard, but you know it will be worth it when you achieve the goal!

6. Watch for signs: Be present enough to watch for signs, they are out there. But you cannot see, hear or feel the signs if you are always moving.

7. Balance Instinct and Logic: I rely on my intuition, but I’ve found it’s crucial to pair it with logical thinking. Although I will NEVER go against my “gut” feeling.

8. Someone knows what you don’t: Focus on Who Not How. If you get caught in how, you will never reach your true potential. Someone out there loves what you hate and hates what you love doing!

9. Choose Your Circle Wisely: Surrounding myself with supportive and inspiring people has made all the difference. Not everyone is going to support you, and that is okay!

10. Acceptance: I understand not everyone will be on board with my changes, and that’s okay.

11. Play to Your Strengths: I recognize my weaknesses and seek out those who fill those gaps. I no longer focus on what I am not good at. It is more fun to leverage my strengths!

12. Patience is Powerful: I’ve learned that building something impactful takes time and persistence.

13. Give to Receive: The deepest fulfillment I’ve found comes from positively impacting others’ lives.

14. Confront Fear: Embracing and overcoming fear is a part of this exciting journey.

15. Never Stop Questioning: Asking questions has been essential for my learning and connecting with others.

16. Learn from Favorites: I love asking about favorite books – it’s a gateway to a world of knowledge.

17. Morning Rituals: Starting my day with productive habits sets the tone for long-term success.

18. Speak Your Mind: I’ve learned the importance of communicating my thoughts bravely, yet respectfully. I have learned not everyone will like me, and that is okay.

19. Manage Your Emotions: Realizing I can’t control others’ feelings, only my reactions, has been vital and hard!

20. Hold Off on Judgments: I try to pause before judging, as it can block meaningful connections.

21. Support All: I remember that even the seemingly strongest among us need support and understanding.

22. Trust Your Feelings: If something feels off, I’ve learned it’s important to explore why and trust if it feels off, it probably is.

23. Aim High: Living a better life for me means expecting more from myself.

24. Dogs are the best medicine: A 20 minute walk with George energizes me, clears my head and reminds me that life is too short, have FUN, play and take naps!

25. The Courage to Ask: I’ve realized that the worst I can hear is “no,” but it’s always worth the risk.

26. The Power of ‘No’ and ‘Yes’: I’ve learned these words are complete responses in themselves.

27. Know Your Value: I never compromise on my value and refuse to settle for less.

28. Treasure Time: Understanding life’s brevity, I make the most of every moment.

29. Welcome Change: If I’m unhappy, I remind myself that change is in my hands.

30. The Calm of Meditation: It has been key in gaining clarity and reducing my stress.

31. Seeking Help is Strong: I’ve learned that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

32. Embrace Failure: I see failure as a steppingstone to growth and understanding.

33. Listen More: Active listening has led to deeper connections and understandings.

34. Health First: My well-being always takes precedence.

35. Self-Care is Essential: I’ve found that taking care of myself allows me to be there for others.

36. Understanding People-Pleasing: Recognizing why I do it and its impact has been enlightening.

37. Compliments Matter: If I admire someone, I make sure to tell them.

38. The Power of a Smile: I never underestimate the impact a simple smile can have.

39. Know and Live Your Values: You cannot live your values if you do not take the time to understand your values and why they are your values to live by!

40. Tackle Small Issues: Addressing them early prevents them from becoming larger problems.

41. The Importance of Thanks: I’ve seen how a small gesture of appreciation can go a long way.

42. Emotional Control: I view emotions as a muscle that strengthens with practice.

43. Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows: I concentrate on what’s positive and growth-oriented.

45. Keep Pushing: Even on tough days, I remind myself of the importance of persistence.

46. Gratitude: Focusing on what I have, rather than what I lack, breeds positivity.

47. Unplug and Reconnect: Spending time in nature, away from distractions, rejuvenates my mind.

48. Face Tough Conversations: Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away, so I face them head-on.

49. Share Knowledge: I love spreading what I learn through books, podcasts, and conversations.

50. Grow Together: I make it a point to surround myself with individuals who are growth-minded.

51. Elevate Your Standards: I believe my life reflects the standards I set for myself, so I aim high.