As humans, it’s easy to operate on autopilot. Think about the last time you were driving and either arrived at your destination without remembering the journey or missed your exit entirely. This phenomenon, known as highway hypnosis, occurs when our conscious mind disengages while performing routine tasks.

We can do this in our careers, in our relationships, and in the way we spend our free-time. Staying on autopilot disconnects us from our authentic selves and true desires. We lose touch with our passions, relationships, and well-being, turning life into a series of routine actions devoid of joy and purpose. Over time, this can lead to burnout, stress, and deep dissatisfaction.

Recently, I heard the phrase, “You are not stressed because you are doing too much; you are stressed because you are doing too much of what doesn’t energize you.” Do you remember what energizes you? When was the last time you did what you love without feeling guilty about not doing something else? It’s challenging when we live life on autopilot.

In the past week, I learned of two people I knew who passed away too young—one from cancer and the other from addiction. Thinking about their families’ pain and their final thoughts forces me to consider how fragile our lives are. Time is short. Decades pass in the blink of an eye.

I aim to do better today than yesterday, maintaining a balance between drive and peace. How can we live the life we desire without losing ourselves to work or mindless scrolling that achieves nothing other than reinforcing our autopilot behaviors. Is it our tendency to please others, maintain harmony, or avoid conflict? It’s time to come off autopilot and live intentionally. I challenge myself to recognize negative thought patterns and question their validity. To wake up and get off autopilot!

Here are some tips that help me come off autopilot and reconnect with my true self, striving to be better each day and get off my autopilot which is showing up as more negative than I realized. Ouch, this recognition hurts!

Mindfulness: Be present in the moment. Notice your surroundings, thoughts, and feelings without judgment. Follow Ted Lasso’s advice: Be Curious Not Judgmental
Reflection: Regularly reflect on your actions and goals. Ensure they align with your values.
Set Intentions: Start your day with clear intentions. Focus on what you want to achieve.
Break Routine: Change your routine to avoid habitual patterns. Try new activities or routes.
Self-Care: Make time for activities that energize and rejuvenate you. Prioritize your well-being.
Gratitude: Focus on what you are grateful for. Shift from negative thoughts to positive, intentional thinking.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. External support can help you stay grounded.
LAUGHTER: Seek out people and things that make you laugh. My go-to is stand-up comedy. I am putting it out there I AM going to sign up for an improv class this summer. Colorado friends, anyone want to join me?

We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to live the life we desire. How did your autopilot show up today? 

*Photo Above: One of my proudest moments seeing my Dad at the summit of Mount Rainier 14,411 ft. He had cancer, atrial fibrillation and a great attitude.

We sat at your bedside holding hands when mom softly and warmly said, “Charlie there’s nothing more that can be done. It’s time to go to Hospice.” You paused, smiled, and said, “It’s been a great ride.”

You appeared to be filled with gratitude at the moment you found out your death was most likely around the corner. As we packed your bag, mom helped you get to the moving chair on the railing to get you down to the garage to the car to go to Hospice. I watched as you turned around and looked at what you must have known was the last time you would see the home you and mom built. Again, you smiled, slowly looked around the room, and nodded as if to say, “I did good, and I’m ready.”

When things are going wrong, or I’m extremely challenged in life, I visualize your face and your reaction at that moment. I strive to live a life where I can look back, smile and nod knowing I know I did well. It pushes me through fear and to always do the right thing even when that’s the hard thing.

When we first arrived at Hospice, as the incredible staff was getting you settled, a nurse pulled mom Gwen and I aside. She was calm, warm, and direct. She told us you would let us know when it was time and advised us to verbally tell you it was okay to go. Then the doctor shared some of the signs you may experience when nearing the end. One was breathing differently.

People from all over the country came to your Hospice bedside to say goodbye. Your childhood friends from New York walked in and said, “Charlie there’s no way in hell we’re coming to your funeral. We’re here to say goodbye and have a few more laughs. The four of you sat there watching the Masters. I couldn’t believe that days before your death you remained so positive and grateful. You still found joy in the little things like spending quality time with friends. Your visitors all came with stories about what a great friend, mentor and leader you were. The common theme was your adventurous spirit and your optimism – how you always found the silver lining even in the most challenging situations. And of course, your incredible sense of humor!

I remember Gwen deciding if it was the right thing to do to allow your three granddaughters to come and say goodbye. They had a trip planned to Copper Mountain to ski over spring break. You insisted that they don’t cancel, and that the greatest gift to you would be for them to go skiing every day and enjoy themselves. I recall the joy on your face when the kids would text videos of themselves skiing and having fun. It must have been painful for them to know that you may be gone by the time they get back. But we all knew it would be more painful for you if you knew they gave up a day of skiing because of you.

The girls made it home before you passed. They came to say goodbye just days before you died. The smile on your face when they entered your Hospice room could have lit up the world. At that point, you were pushing yourself to find your voice, but when they walked in, you found it. You all got to say goodbye, and I know to this day they cherish the memories of their grandfather…your patience teaching them all how to ski, holding them, taking them to Costco and to get the car washed, and telling them it was going to be OK. You would be so proud of the young women they’ve become. It’s heartbreaking that such an engaged, loving grandfather was taken so soon from their lives, but I know you are guiding them every day.

I remember a moment when it was just you and me in the room. I held your hand, and I remember thinking there was nothing left to say. We had said it all. In many ways it brought me peace. I genuinely believe as a father and daughter we had no regrets.

I’ll never forget being at your home and then getting the call from Gwen who said, “I think it is time to come back to Hospice” because your breathing had changed. Mom and I raced over, and at that point you were no longer able to speak. I recall you reaching at things in the air and tears slowly rolling down your face. I have no idea what you were thinking, but I know you fought until the very end.

Knowing you, the tears were because you knew how much pain we would be in without you. You were always thinking of others before yourself.

I am so grateful to call you, my father. You live on with us every day. You are missed more than you can ever know. Thank you for modeling how life should be lived.

8 years ago today we had to say goodbye to you. Normally I honor you by skiing.

40 Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dad

Today, I cannot do that, so instead I thought I would honor you by sharing what I learned from you:

1. There is ALWAYS a silver lining even in the worst situations. I miss you everyday, Dad. It physically hurts, but the silver lining for me is the extreme gratitude that I have for being able to call you my Dad.
2. Happiness is a choice.
3. Attitude is everything.
4. Laughter is contagious.
5. Start with trust. You may get burned, sometimes but it is worth living life this way.
6. Be aware of where and what you spend your money, but always be generous.
7. There is nothing more valuable than time. It is the greatest gift you can give anyone.
8. Don’t complain if you don’t like the situation then change the way you think about it.
9. Surround yourself with people that are smarter than you, that push you to be better everyday.
10. When you fail, get back up and be present in the lesson you learned.
11. Be adventurous, travel the world.
12. Everyone has a story. Ask the right questions to allow people to share their stories.
13. Always do the right thing even if it is the hardest thing.
14. Stay in touch with the people you care about.
15. When one door closes, look for the one that is open. Sometimes we miss it if we focus on the closed door.
16. Dogs are truly a man’s best friend.
17. Confidence is the most beautiful thing anyone can wear.
18. Don’t judge a book by its cover. If we judge too quickly, it is amazing how much we miss out on.
19. Losing sucks, but it creates strength, drive and greater appreciation when you do win.
20. Stay humble – I remember skiing when I would fall, he would make sure I was okay and then say…good, it keeps you humble!
21. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
22. Be curious and ask the next question. It is amazing how big the world is when you are curious.
23. Being a mentor is rewarding, you learn so much.
24. Live life to the fullest. It is short.
25. You won’t always fit in, and that is okay.
26. Do what you say and say what you mean.
27. It is amazing as a sales guy how the more sales calls I make the more yes’s I get.
28. Remember people’s names no matter who they are or what role they have. I remember touring the factory with my Dad, he knew EVERYONE’S names. Everyone had a huge smile on their faces when they saw my Dad. There was no fear “that the boss’ ‘was on the floor. They all joked and had fun together.
29. Don’t complain about work; it is called work for a reason.
30. Ski fast and enjoy the view.
31. Be accountable and take responsibility even when you make mistakes.
32. Being a leader is a privilege that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
33. Tell jokes often. Laughter is the best medicine.
34. How to make the best Old Fashion ever!
35. Not everyone will like you; it sucks, but it is okay.
36. The outdoors is the best medicine.
37. Put yourself in others shoes before you judge.
38. Stand up for what you want.
39. If you don’t respect and love yourself, no one else will.
40. Stop and smell the flowers. Life is short. Enjoy it, and be present.

My journey toward mastering difficult conversations and active listening experienced a shift during a crucial exchange with a peer who was not only a mentor but also a friend. His feedback on a decision I had impulsively made, driven more by emotion than logic, was meant to be constructive. Yet, my emotional response clouded not just my judgment, but also impaired my listening ability. This incident underscored the vital importance of balancing emotional instincts with the ability to actively listen and consider others’ viewpoints.

During this intense conversation, my emotions flared, muting the actual words and the inherent support and concern in his message. My defensive stance not only obstructed the potential growth from his feedback, but also underscored a significant flaw in my communication skills: the lack of active listening. This insistent was a wake-up call, revealing that my emotional reactions were barriers not only to effective decision-making but also to understanding and being understood.

Acknowledge the Emotional Overload

The initial step in my improvement was to recognize when my emotions were overpowering my listening capabilities. By acknowledging this, I allowed myself to experience these emotions without letting them control my reactions.

Specific Tips for Active Listening Amidst Emotions

Repeat What You’ve Heard

I found it beneficial to either repeat or paraphrase the speaker’s words. This approach not only required me to concentrate on their message rather than my feelings but also showed my mentor that I was earnestly trying to grasp his perspective.

Ask for Clarification

Seeking clarification serves a dual purpose: it confirms your understanding of the message and provides a moment to regulate your emotional response. Questions like, “Could you elaborate on that?” or “Could you provide an example?” engaged me more thoroughly in the conversation, mitigating my immediate emotional reactions.

Use Non-Verbal Cues to Show Engagement

Eye contact, nodding, and leaning forward are non-verbal signals that indicate engagement, important even when internally battling strong emotions. These gestures kept me anchored to the conversation, creating an environment for mutual understanding rather than conflict.

Emotionally Prepare for Challenging Conversations

In addition to these momentary strategies, I recognized the significance of emotionally preparing for challenging conversations.

Adopting mindfulness practices, engaging in regular self-reflection, and employing mantras like “Stay open” have been pivotal.

Physical activities, such as brisk walking or stretching, also proved effective for calming my mind and refocusing on the conversation’s rational aspects.

Recommended Resources

1. HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict by Harvard Business Review: A foundational resource for conflict navigation skills
2. Emotional Agility by Susan David: David’s insights have empowered me to leverage my emotions as a strength rather than a setback.
3. Jefferson Fischer: One of my favorite communication experts out there – Want to be a Better Listener

Conclusion: The Power of Listening and the Risk of Regression

The pivotal conversation with my mentor highlighted the critical importance of active listening, especially amidst emotional challenges. By adopting strategies to enhance my listening skills during emotionally charged situations, I’ve transformed difficult discussions into opportunities for growth. This journey emphasizes the necessity of balancing emotional responses with genuine understanding and collaboration.

However, there’s a cautionary aspect to this learning curve: reverting to my old ways of reacting impulsively and neglecting active listening could jeopardize the progress I’ve made. Such regression risks not only personal and professional relationships, but also stunts my growth as a communicator and individual. It underscores that the path forward lies in continuously valuing and practicing the art of truly hearing others, turning challenges into valuable lessons for improvement.

To avoid regression, it’s essential to stay mindful of our emotional triggers, regularly reflect on our communication experiences, and remain committed to practicing the principles of active listening and emotional intelligence in every interaction. To avoid regression, it’s essential to stay mindful of our emotional triggers, regularly reflect on our communication experiences, and remain committed to practicing the principles of active listening and emotional intelligence in every interaction.